death sucks. cancer sucks. life sucks.

this isn’t something I normally talk about on here, but I need to put it out in the universe. my family is very close. and when my grandpa died two years ago, things really fell apart. not only did my mom and grandma get very depressed, money stopped coming in too. depression tripled. and it hasn’t gotten any better since his passing. I’ve somewhat come to peace with the fact that my grandpa was very sick (he had leukemia), but he’s no longer in pain. he’s a peace and in heaven with creator of the frickin’ universe. I’m 25 and still have a lot of living to do. I’m pretty content with things at the moment. they aren’t necessarily ideal; but it’s only temporary, and I know even better things are coming up (career advancements, exciting opportunities, getting engaged, being married to my soulmate, my siblings getting married, traveling, etc.) but I feel so bad about being happy or excited because I know my mom and grandma aren’t. and not only did my mom lose her dad, she was diagnosed with cancer only eight months later. she’s been battling that mess, chemo treatments, her full-time job, and a fight with the insurance company for the last year. she really struggles, and it makes me feel like I shouldn’t ever be happy with anything because she’s not. p.s. my dad’s an addict. that makes things even harder. mom also has to worry about him and my brother, who is still in high school and needs a parent. she stresses nonstop over money and is on the brink of filing bankruptcy while worrying about my grandma whose depression is crippling. it’s like I worry about my mom, who worries about her mom– it’s a vicious cycle. does anyone else feel like this? am I supposed to not enjoy my young adult life because of my family’s financial and emotional state?

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